FEBRUARY | 2018 | LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

T H E  S I N G L E  B E A U X

Hey Beauxs! It’s that time of the year again! By now you’ve probably noticed local retailers trading their Christmas wares in exchange for the red, white and pink chocolaty gooeyness of Valentine’s Day. For many of our single Beauxs this time of year brings about untold amounts of anxiety and even depression as we’re almost forced to bear witness to the public attestations of love made by our committed Beaux brothers on social media. We decided to dedicate this month’s Love & Relationships to celebrating the variations of love in lieu of focusing on romantic love as a nod to the single Beaux. Our hope is that we can give the single Beaux something to focus on that doesn’t involve harping on being single and alone on Valentine’s Day.  

Being single is not the end of the world, and if nothing else, the single Beaux can find some peace knowing that he’s single for a reason. Whether it’s not being able to get past his ex, constantly involving himself in situationships, being stuck on finding “the one”, or  simply deeming himself as not being ready to commit, being single on February 14th is just as relevant as being single on September 14th. There are, of course, plenty of things the single Beaux can do to kill time on Valentine’s Day.

Netflix is streaming season 4 of Z Nation which is good for those of you who are into post-apocalyptic drama series and there’s always Lethal Weapon 2, 3 and 4 The Godfather, The Godfather 2 and 3, and if he’s interested in doing so, the single Beaux can ease his burdens with comedic stylings of Kat Williams. Gyms across the country will be open for business on February 14th which’ll give the single Beaux time to engage in that New Year’s resolution he made 44 days ago and in the words of almost every black mother in America, there’s always something that needs to be cleaned. No Beaux? No problem! This month we’re going to give you two suggestions on what to focus on as you seek shelter from commercialized love.

First thing first (and until further notice), the single Beaux has got to accept the fact that he’s single. It is what it is. After he admits this, he can start focusing on things that are equally important. The first of these things is to find intellectual comfort. Have you ever met someone who stimulates your mind or immersed yourself in something that truly interested you? If so then you know what we’re talking about and if not- you haven’t really lived. Intellectual stimulation is what we experience when encountering someone who challenges our mind.

If we had to put an image to it, we’d imagine Kanye having a conversation with Kanye. In this instance we find Kanye being the most intelligent person that Kanye has ever met.  It’s what would result if the old Kanye, straight from the go Kanye met chop up the soul Kanye, set on his goals Kanye. They’d talk about their love for Kanye, Kim, and probably pontificate on how the Earth is flat. They’d both be super impressed with one another. THAT is intellectual love. It’s that book you picked up and couldn’t put down, the one where no matter how many times you told yourself you’d only read one more chapter and you read three.  Our intellectual interests may vary so the single Beaux is gonna have to look within to determine who or what stimulates his mind and dedicate his Valentine’s day to him, or it.

Another thing the single Beaux can consider is to celebrate his culture. Cultural love is probably similar to what Donald Trump would experience if he were trapped in a room full of conservative wealthy white supremacists, mail order bride catalogs and a box full of bad toupees. Consider spending the day concentrating on the best aspects of black gay culture and reveling in them. For some single Beauxs this could mean binge watching Noah’s Arc, the DL Chronicles anything starring Jenifer Lewis.

For others the demonstration of cultural love might consist of catching up on the writings of James Baldwin or E. Lynn Harris, working to master his mother’s award winning mac and cheese or volunteering with an agency, organization or business that caters to SGL communities of color. It doesn’t really matter how one chooses to demonstrate his love of culture as long as it’s something that provides fulfillment and can keep his mind off of him being single. Of course there are some of you reading this who won’t heed any of this advice and allow yourself to fall into the pitfall of a 24 hour depression. Such, we’d like to give you a few pros to oppose the so called cons of singleness.

First, not having a Valentines excludes you from the pressure of having to do anything for anyone other than yourself. Sure, it’d be nice to spend time and even throw a little money at a Beaux you’re interested in but there’s a certain comfort that can be found in dedicating time to self-improvement and self-love and in being able to do this while not spending any money.

Secondly, and if you’re interested, Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to get laid. Yeah, we said it. The single Beaux may be single but it’s a condition that he shares with others who might find some interest in hunching the day away with him. The most important pro to being single on Valentine’s Day is that it gives you the opportunity to show all of your friends who may be in miserable, complacent relationships that being single isn’t some all-encompassing fear as much as it’s a chance for you to spend time doing all the non-obligatory things they wish they could do. So before the single Beaux becomes weighed down by the social pressures of having Beaux of his own on Valentine’s Day, he should remember that there are other options.

Remember this, always.